went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
