I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
