you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
