If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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