My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
