So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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