Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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