my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
