I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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