Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
