i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
