alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
