I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize