you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
