I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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