Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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