hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
