if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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