You really coming over, don't trick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize