Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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