In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
