Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
