Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
