It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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