Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
