I just threw up on my dentist
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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