whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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