8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
