Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I intend to get homeless drunk
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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