my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
