I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
