I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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