First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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