We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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