If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
