oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I deserve this hangover.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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