i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
