I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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