That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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