after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
