Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
