I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
