I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
