I just cut my nipple shaving
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
