He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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