Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
