My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
