Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
