well I can't set my house on fire every night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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