so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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