At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
