now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
