You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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