Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
