Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
