i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
