She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
