i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
