what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
