can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
4 words: hood of his car
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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