I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
