I got chris browned last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
