Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
