who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
