i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
