I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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