do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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