Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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